Tuesday, August 14, 2018

Movie Review //
Lady Street Fighter (BLU-RAY)
(MVD Entertainment Group)

$29.95 //
https://mvdshop.com/products/lady-street-fighter-blu-ray //

Remember when Sonny Chiba made a series of movies based around the title "The Street Fighter"?  Yeah, "Lady Street Fighter" is in no way related to those.  "Lady Street Fighter" is the type of movie film students should study and have to write papers about, dictating scene by scene what went wrong with this film.   None of it seems to make any sense, the actors can't act and, oh yeah, this is supposed to be a revenge film but there is barely any action in it and the fight scenes that are within are so slow and fake they're simply painful to watch.

Within twelve minutes we've seen two different sets of boobs and one is of Linda Allen's sister, who is murdered for whatever reason.  So Linda Allen goes to find those who murdered her sister and avenge her death but... you wouldn't know it by watching this movie.   Some guys do business at a strip club because why not and that has us seeing our second set of boobs in the film and it seems like there are more boobs in here than actors, which, I know, isn't a difficult task seeing as how I struggle to define the acting in this movie.

We also see the "star" Linda Allen naked as she is simply changing her clothes to shower.   Between a toga party and some creepy guy with a foot fetish, this turns into a scenario where someone dies and then this girl who is an adult but has the mentality of a five year old calls the police.   From here, it all spirals out of control.   Linda Allen and this guy go on the run from the police and their car runs out of gas.   Yes, really.   So, they get out and begin to run on foot.   This guy then explains to Linda Allen what a nooner is and it's a really cringeworthy scene.

How they go from running from the cops to this guy wanting to have sex with her I have no idea, but that's for the interns to figure out.    They only end up on the beach together and then she reveals she has some combination he wants.  She gives him the paper, he won't give it back, so they fight.   I kid you not- he turns his back saying she won't hit him but she hits him anyway and none of the characters in this movie are very smart.   I'm questioning how smart I am for watching it.

I'm not sure even MST3K would be brave enough to take on this movie.   Poorly acted, edited to jump from scene to scene without really making sense and seemingly no real plot to speak of (and for a revenge flick there isn't even a lot of revenge) but for some reason I really enjoy the music in it.  That's one redeemable quality.   Though I feel like this is one of those movies everyone needs to see just so they can say "Well, that didn't make any fucking sense" and use it as a comparison point for every other movie they see/have seen.

If one hour and twelve minutes isn't enough "Lady Street Fighter" ~action~ for you, there is the sequel on this Blu-Ray as a bonus feature and that's another hour and a half of something I'm not sure you're brave enough to watch.    This isn't "Sister Street Fighter" but worse movies have been made and, yeah, it's an experience to watch "Lady Street Fighter".

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