Tuesday, July 5, 2016

Loose Cannon Fodder #26 [07.01.16]

Well, we ended up watching Smack Down! last week after all since we had some time in between baseball games.   But there wasn't really a lot going on to write about, so we'll probably continue to skip it until it goes live unless we're eating and need something to watch for that amount of time.    Seth Rollins issued an open challenge which brought about Rollins vs. Sami Zayn in the main event of the show, but otherwise the matches weren't really that great as they seem to be variations on what we normally see anyway and it's just like Smack Down! is there to further along what happens on Raw rather than develop any storylines of its own.

Raw opened with a bit of a mess as Seth Rollins came out and basically said that Roman Reigns should be removed from the triple threat match at Battleground.   This brought out AJ Styles who said he wanted into the match and John Cena as well, but only after Dean Ambrose came out and said he'd fight them all or whatever.   Stephanie- who was there by herself this week- said that it'd be John Cena vs. Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose vs. AJ Styles and if either Cena or Styles won their matches they'd be part of the main event at Battleground, which will still include Roman Reigns.   Hey, why not grab Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens and put six guys in the Hell in a Cell again?

Titus O'Neil defeated Rusev by countout but that match was thankfully left off of the Hulu replay.   Why must this feud continue?  I'd really rather even see Jack Swagger get another push and have him face Rusev for their tenth feud than Titus O'Neil.   Ugh.

Seth Rollins defeated John Cena with help from The Club to keep John Cena out of the match at Battleground.   This whole thing wreaks of a Cena-Styles rematch.   The Club told Seth Rollins he owes them one while Gallows kept telling Cena "You lost again!"   It makes sense for The Club to do this though because if Cena is out of the match and AJ gets in then it's one less guy for AJ to have to face in the match, so yeah, this makes much more sense than just trying to fuel the feud between AJ and Cena.    It feels like the WWE writers had this idea and then said something like, "It works on two levels!"   How often do they get to say that?

Raw got fast forwarded through Enzo & Cass defeating jobbers and Becky Lynch attacking Natalya because of the Hulu replay but we got to see Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens on The Highlight Reel.   Sami Zayn said that they needed to have one more match to end it all because after the draft they could end up on opposite shows.    So, either they will end up on the same show now or Sami Zayn just spoiled that for us.    Still, the match is booked for Battleground.

Here's where I don't understand WWE and think their booking is similar to TNA.  Earlier in the night, The Miz was talking to Stephanie McMahon after interupting Kane who was trying to become GM of Smack Down!.   Kane said that The Miz needs to defend his title every 30 days or surrender it.   Stephanie said that she was going to kill two birds with one stone (something like that) and put The Miz in an IC Title match tonight but his opponent would be a mystery.  All I could think of was her putting Kane in the match because he was standing right there.   And that's what the match was.   So, was Stephanie supposed to say it was Miz vs. Kane and she instead tried to pull it off as a mystery?  What's going on in WWE right now?   Are the writers drunk?  

So Kane won via count out when Maryse faked an injury and The Miz helped her to the back.   This was such a bad match it made the next segment between The Wyatt Family and New Day seem a lot more fun than it actually was.    Something about New Day dressed up like the Wyatts was disturbing.    We also missed a tag team match with Cesaro and Apollo Crews vs. Sheamus and Alberto Del Rio but I wouldn't really say I missed it.   When does Neville come back??

In the main event, Dean Ambrose defeated AJ Styles because John Cena took care of The Club while Seth Rollins also had his hand in the match because he didn't want AJ Styles to be in it.    Seth Rollins doesn't even want Roman Reigns to be in the match!    So, Dean and Seth are going to carry the build to their match just like they'll carry the match itself with Roman Reigns involved later on.   Ugh.  Why doesn't the idea of a Shield triple threat seem so appealing anymore?

Impact opens with Maria and Mike Bennett.   Bennett basically says that he's cashing in the X Division Title for his title shot against Lashley.   Seems like taking the title from Eddie Edwards was a bad way to go about giving Bennett a title shot.  Lashley comes out to confront Bennett because we all know that neither EC3 nor Drew Galloway will defeat Lashley in the main event of tonight's show, so why bother continuing to watch.    EC3 comes out and then so does Billy Corgan.   EC3 starts quoting the Smashing Pumpkins songs and for some reason Drew Galloway is not out here even though he's involved in this match tonight.    Corgan books Mike Bennett vs. the winner of a battle royal for tonight but you have to wonder if that doesn't play into the favor of Bennett anyway.   Billy Corgan says that the match will happen "Tonight Tonight" which is kind of sad.   Galloway finally shows up and the segment finally ends on Talkpact Wrestling.

Sienna successfully defended the KO Title against Gail Kim in the opening match.   Even though we've seen it already, I'm guessing we'll see Sienna/fka Cherry Bomb vs. Gail Kim/Jade at Destination X.   Put the title on the line, so that if Sienna gets pinned by either Gail Kim or Jade she also loses the title, but also if fka Cherry Bomb gets pinned SIenna loses her title.   That'd be a fun stipulation.  

Matt Hardy says he's broken and he's doing some of his best work in years.   Drew Galloway and Mike Bennett argue backstage somewhere.   This is too much talking now.   And this, of course, brings out Eli Drake for another edition of his stupid yeah dummy thing.    This just keeps getting more painful and I'm still trying to remember Cherry Bomb's name in TNA.   James Storm comes out and starts a drinking game.   How about this- drink a beer for every minute TNA spends with the action stopped.   Wait, no, our lawyers say not to do that.   Everyone would die of alcohol poisoning.    This sets up a feud no one wants to see.  James Storm probably wishes he was still in NXT while Eli Drake was rejected from WWE.   Seems like a fair match.    Is it July 13th yet?  Can I stop watching Impact in favor of the CWC now?

Matt Hardy and Brother Nero come out for a face to face because, you know... wrestling, who needs it?  Matt Hardy is in a wheelchair now and his voice is even worse.    Matt Hardy says he needs one more match and even if he wins it I don't think this feud will likely ever end.   Matt says he needs six weeks to get better and then the winner gets the name Hardy.    Though at the end I think Matt said it happens in one week, so who knows what's going on really.  

The X Division battle royal is up next.   Mike Bennett spends a lot of time on commentary explaining his golden ticket theory.   Braxton Sutter wins the match but Gregory "Sugar Shane" Helms gets into the ring with Trevor Lee and Mark Everett and they begin to... shall we say... unbreak the heart of Braxton Sutter.    Mike Bennett then has his "match" with Braxton Sutter and, well, you know, why should a professional wrestling show feature any wrestling?  Does TNA hate its fans or something??  

The Tribunal (including Al Snow) was set to take on Grado and Sheera.   Their third man ended up being Tyrus and this made for an interesting choice since, you know, he's no longer with EC3 nor Matt Hardy.    Still, it wasn't that great of a match but I'll take what little wrestling I can get on this show.

Of course Lashley retained in the main event and next week we're onto Lashley-Bennett and Hardy vs. Hardy nonsense.   I can hardly wait.

Lucha Underground started with Mil Muertes vs. King Cuerno and as Mil Muertes came out Matt Striker said something to the effect of "It's been a long time since we've seen Mil Muertes... He has been seen since his return" and I tuned him immediately out.   Which leads us to...

Dario Cueto sets up Ivelisse vs. Taya at Ultima Lucha Dos.   I'm really hoping for a strong showing by Ivelisse here.   Catrina wants Mil Muertes vs. King Cuerno in a Death Match at Ultima Lucha Dos and Dario Cueto reluctantly agrees.

Prince Puma is up against Dragon Azteca Jr.   Prince Puma will take on Rey Mysterio Jr at Ultima Lucha Dos and Dragon Azteca Jr. will take on the debuting Black Lotus.    This should be a lot of fun.   The trios titles are also on the line and wow is the Ultima Lucha Dos card shaping up to be something special.   Why can't this get on PPV or have one long time slot instead of being broken into three parts?   Dragon Azteca Jr. is facing the unknown at Ultima Lucha Dos, but Prince Puma is facing Rey Mysterio Jr so if Prince Puma cannot defeat Dragon Azteca Jr. how will he defeat one of the greatest luchadores to ever live?   Though you could argue that Dragon Azteca Jr. is young and hungry and Rey Mysterio Jr. is old and past his prime, but who knows.   We'll find out what Rey Mysterio Jr. has still got left soon enough.    So, of course, Prince Puma wins, especially while Rey Mysterio Jr. watches on from ringside.

Dario Cueto makes a tournament called "Four A Unique Opportunity" and this whole thing wreaks of TNA.   Cage is out there with Son of Havoc, The Mack and El Texano.   They'll be involved in the match at Ultima Lucha Dos.    What do they win?  Who knows.   But they just like to fight, so they'll fight because who cares why.

As Matt Striker breaks down the card of Ultima Lucha Dos- which begins next week!- we learn that there are seven medallions and since only six people qualified last week there will be a seventh mystery opponent.   This is going to be such a fun show, but should I watch it week by week or wait until all three parts air to take it all in?   Probably week by week because by the time it's all said and done I'll be busy with the CWC.

Now, I feel like I haven't had to complain like this about Lucha Underground for some time but it's time for me to get annoyed again by listening to the commentary.   All throughout this episode, the Johnny Mundo vs. Fenix match was hyped as being their first time facing each other.    So Matt Striker makes the valid point that Fenix has been trios partners with Jack Evans and PJ Black, who are now trios champions with Johnny Mundo, so Striker wonders whether or not Evans and/or Black might have shared some insight with Mundo about Fenix.   Vampiro's reply to this is simply, "Well, this isn't the first time these two guys have met" which Matt Striker quickly corrects, "Yes it is.   It's their first one on one match"   Ugh.  UUUGGGGHHHH.   This is a TAPED show.  They didn't have the cameras on the commentators at the time.   Could they not go back and edit that part out and have Vampiro say something that made him look more like he was paying attention to the show he was commentating?   I'll let Matt Striker's statement of the obvious from earlier on in this show slip every time if it means we don't have one of the commentators seemingly not paying attention to the show this week.   For me to ask "Aren't there seven medallions? But only six people qualified..." is far different than for one half of the announce team to ask it, and yet I feel like this incorrect statement by Vampiro was even worse than if he had said something like that.    Geez, things like this need to be edited before they ever make air.   Regardless, Johnny Mundo wins and it turns into a good old fashioned brawl with lots of guys coming down and hopefully next week neither of the announcers screws up too badly.  

As seems to be our new way of doing things, we ended the week with a new episode of NXT.   Remember that one time I thought NXT was really two hours because they jammed six matches into their hour long show?   Well, this episode only had three matches but it's okay because it gave them more time to develop, mostly.    In the opening contest Alexa Bliss defeated Carmella in what was a fairly long match.   It's funny how these two had their issues when paired with their tag teams and here they are now, Enzo & Cass on the main roster and BAMF broken up.

I'm going to state my unpopular opinion now: I don't like Carmella.    That is to say, I don't like her when she is by herself.   I just don't see her as a singles wrestler, but that's okay.   She needs to be with Enzo & Cass plain and simple, so it was nice to see Alexa Bliss win this match.   The trouble is, since Carmella obviously needs Enzo & Cass, and they're doing fine on the main roster right now, do Enzo & Cass really need her?

The second match saw Andrade "Cien" Almas defeat Noah Potjes.   Corey Graves said we'd seen Potjes before but I don't really remember him nor care about him.    Cien hasn't really had a strong showing- in my opinion- since debuting in NXT and this should have been a good showing for him at the very least because he was seemingly fighting a jobber, but he still didn't really impress me in this match.    Additionally, while he had been coming out in pants, suspenders and goofy looking hat in all white since his debut for this match he instead was in black.   Why dress someone up like Los Boricuas just for that short walk to the ring?  It seems so pointless and wasteful.    Aside from everything being terrible about his look, entrance and music aside from his in ring gear, he's just not connecting with me yet in the way that I'm excited to see his matches the same way that I am with Shinsuke Nakamura, Austin Aries, Finn Balor and just about everyone in the CWC.

NXT's main event this week saw Johnny Gargano and Tommaso Ciampa- who were noted as being in the CWC- defeat the Hype Bros. which makes sense because when was the last time we saw Mojo Rawley?   After the match, Johnny Gargano said they deserved a tag team title shot, which brought out the former champs American Alpha.    The Revival then came out and said they'd face American Alpha next week in a two out of three falls match.   Then, of course, Authors of Pain attacked American Alpha from behind to show that even though Enzo & Cass and the Vaudevillains went to the main roster and BAMF broke up, NXT still has a lot of tag teams.  (Like TM-61)

Speaking of TM-61, they teamed with Hideo Itami at an NXT house show, so yeah, Hideo Itami is back in the ring and NXT just got a whole lot better.  

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