Monday, April 25, 2016
Professional Wrestling Review ::: Blitzkrieg! Pro Wrestling Extravaganza - Episode 2
I got caught up in a few other things and now Blitzkrieg! Pro has two episodes up. I'm falling behind. Let's fix that right now.
Matthew James begins by telling us BPW is an alternative to the Monday night wrestling shows. Shots fired! Shots fired!! That opening intro I like aired and then James took us into the first match.
Match One: The Jurassic Era vs. Shane Marvel & Matt Striker
The Jurassic Era has a unique look to them. One of them looks like a little Abdullah the Butcher. But remember how Matthew James said that BPW is the alternative to WWE? Then why is the former WWE superstar Matt Striker in this first match? Not the best segway, guys. Plus I just never liked Matt Striker. The commentators play up how Jurassic Era have been teaming together for four or five years while Marvel and Striker just met earlier that day. They drop the "Us vs. Them" bomb. Though one of them really resembles them and one doesn't so much, The Jurassic Era does remind me of The Headhunters. Remember them? I loved those guys in ECW. Shane Marvel has a superhero type gimmick which is more like The Hurricane than Chris Hero. Striker and Marvel hit a double Five Knuckle Shuffle, for reasons I am still not sure about. So much for BPW being the alternative to WWE when Matt Striker is just in the ring ripping them off. Marvel & Striker win, but those plaid shorts of Matt Striker still look awful.
Matthew James restates what just happened and sends us to the team of The Masterminds who have a match on 4/29 at the next Blitzkrieg! Pro event called "Lit AF RN". I'm hopefully going to be able to watch/review/post about this and the next episode before that show happens live. I'm not sure who The Masterminds are, but the one in the blue shirt looks like the type of guy who would have a lot of sexual allegations against him at college. The other guy is... I don't know. But they're taking shots and name drop Hazard Ave. which I know is real because I live in Connecticut. They explain that when someone gets thrown over the top rope in their match they have to take a shot and I'm not sure if this will work (wrestling drunk) but I like how they have a drinking game. Does anyone else have a drinking game for WWE, TNA and the such? Next time take a shot every time Roman Reigns says "guy".
Matthew James takes us back to a match from 12/12/15 which I missed, sadly, but I'm not going down that road again.
Match Two: Wrecking Ball Legurski vs. 5 Star Jayce
Wrecking Ball Legurski looks like an unmasked Matanza only larger while 5 Star Jayce looks and acts like someone out of a video game. When I was a kid, there was talk of The Undertaker's brother coming to WWE. I went to a live WWE event- a house show- and this security guy goes, "This big guy over here is going to be Kane" and he took a picture of him for me with my camera. That guy, of course, never became Kane, possibly because I leaked the photo (sorry) but he reminds me of WBL. Granted, they can't be the same guy because of time and all that (unless WBL can time travel) but I really should go to my parents' house one day and find that photo. I bet I could find a lot of old wrestling photos to upload. In true Wrecking Ball fashion, Jayce gets flattened like a pancake and, why yes, he does remind me of King Kong Bundy in some ways too. Never underestimate the big men- especially the really big men like Wrecking Ball Legurski. They will always be a draw in professional wrestling. Just ask Abyss.
Matthew James sends us over to The Commish and I'm beginning to think maybe we should just cut to these things without Matthew James having to take us there. They could have just come back from the match, gone straight to the office shot and been like, "Hey, wrestling fans, Commissioner Tim Jensen here..." or whatever. But "Hey wrestling fans" is how Jay Lethal starts his promos for our back and arthritis pain. So Tim Jensen basically runs down a gauntlet match idea for "Lit AF RN" and watching him look like he's reading off a cue card to spell out "A-F R-N" makes me think he doesn't know what it means.
Back to Matthew James, who at least is nowhere nearly as annoying as Josh Mathews, who takes us into our final match of the show. This should be a good one.
Match Three: Trent? & Brian Myers vs. The Scumbag Nation
I'm going to say Dudebusters because for review purposes WWE can't sue me! The one guy in The Scumbag Nation is the guy from the Battle Royal on the first show who I thought looked like CM Punk with more tattoos. Create-A-Pro Wrestling is name-dropped and they hype up Trent? being in Japan. I kind of wish this was RPG Vice, but I like Brian Myers enough to let it slide. Mets fans unite! The guy I think is CM Punk is called Rude Boy Riley and his partner is Logan Black. Even if I seem critical of them though, I still like the gimmick of The Scumbag Nation. Somewhere between Irish Airborne when they went into crust punk and early ROH days when CM Punk was just starting out... Teams like this come along once in a while, but they also end up being successful. They just look like two hard-hitting dudes who can hang in a fight. You know, if I was in a bar fight I'd want them on my side not on the other side, you know what I mean? I think the look of them also works because I don't really make custom action figures any more, but if I did I'd want to make Scumbag Nation. Myers is wearing tights he might have got from Jerry Lynn. Scumbag Nation finds themselves in that situation where they try everything but just can't seem to defeat the Dudebusters. As Scumbag Nation has Trent? by himself, Rude Boy yells "Kill 'em all, let God sort 'em out" and as he takes off the ropes Myers comes back in and hits him with a dropkick. Trent? catches Black with a rollup to end the match and it was all kind of just this fast finish where you weren't really sure if it was going to end or not after such a great match.
Matthew James comes back and wraps it up. He says to tell your friends, but to also tell your enemies because who cares- they're not fighting your fights for you. I did kind of laugh at that. Then after the credits you can watch some Matthew James outtakes which are rather funny and worth sticking around for since you're probably just sitting on your couch anyway.