Speedy Ortiz “Sports EP”
$4 to download / free to stream
On the second song of this EP, the female vocals declare “I fucking hate playing indoor soccer”. As this EP has songs mostly about playing sports in high school and prior to that, just the whole idea of physical education in general, I can find myself relating very well with these lyrics.
Let’s face facts, people. America, as a country, can be pretty lazy. So I do understand and appreciate the idea of physical activity. You could graduate high school, go into college and very easily get a job that never requires you to do a single jumping jack. So what is the point of phys ed in school? Would it be somehow wrong to make only the fat and lazy kids take gym? (“I’m sorry, m’am, but your son’s BMI would indicate that he needs to take gym class”)
Either way, one of my favorite gym class stories was when I was in high school and I just didn’t give a fuck. I mean, I honestly didn’t give a fuck in high school and everyone knew it. I was in English class, not reading the required books, because then I would fail the quizzes during the week, but gather enough information to pass the tests at the end of the week. That, coupled with acing the midterm and final exams, would easily give me an A or B average in the class—and I never did any of the work!! So when it came to gym class it was even worse because I actually enjoy reading but I despise dodgeball.
One time in gym class, we were told we had to run a mile and then we’d be timed on it. Our track was a quarter mile, so we had to go around it four times. We were also told to pace ourselves on each lap. On the first lap, I decided to do a brisk walk. I did this in hopes that for my second lap I’d pick up the pace to a jog, then by the third lap actually be running and for the fourth and final lap just go all out and sprint like my legs were going to fall off. I think it might have worked pretty well, but my gym teacher (Who is now dead, for the record, via cancer) pulled me aside after my first lap and told me to go inside without wanting to hear my plan. This is your tax dollars at work, people.
I could write a book about physical education and how it is anything but educating, but that would be for another time. I could also tell you that a family history of bad knees and a strategically placed broken wrist would allow you to miss most of your “physical education”, which is quite nice.
Oh, I played basketball recreationally with my friends. We’d ride our bikes to the park and play basketball, so by no means was I a lazy kid or not interested in sports. We’d play football during recess if we could, you know. It’s just that when you put us inside that school setting, I hated it. It was one of the many things I hated about high school, one of the many reasons why I am opposed to public schools and just something I’ve been rather vocal about over the years more than other factors.
Musically, this music is somewhere in between Discount and gloom punk, but it is definitely good and worth your time listening to even if you were a gym class hero.
` Also, on a side note, this is only available right now to download or stream, but it used to be available on both vinyl and cassette, so here’s to hoping it makes a physical release comeback.
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