Thursday, May 24, 2018

VHS Review: Slow Normals "realmagic666FM" [PART 5]

$15 //
Edition of 13 // //

As we watch another movie, a loop says something about Fruit Rollups (I think).   Now a kid is chasing a card and so is a crane.    This just turned into a fight or a really bad moshpit.   We are quieter now, more relaxed tones and back underwater- or at least we see fish, so maybe just an aquarium.   Jazzercise now.  This is hypnotic.    And now it is frozen with the glitching loops doing their thing.   It's the Dodge summer clearance event.   A woman who is not a racecar driver is in a pit like racecar drivers go to and she seems confused and scared.   Ringing comes through heavy now as someone is being struck by fireworks and falling down.

The way the static just bursts through with the singing, guitars and visuals of aliens and humans is just all too real.  It's not just that there is an image of the screen now which reminds me of "Quantam Leap" for some reason (Even though I'm pretty sure there is a naked lady in here too) the music which goes with it is just so perfect, so fitting.    The music becomes wavy now, choppy through greens and blues.    A Native American is staring me down now.   The whirrs become electric.    It sounds like babies crying and these images turn red, orange as they could feed your nightmares.

A lot of these visuals have become of destruction, but there is also an eclipse.   The music comes to a stop as there is a man walking into somewhere now - perhaps a hotel- and a newer, louder sound comes out.  This other guy is leading the man around and it looks like a factory tour, but the red coat makes me think hotel.   They're outside now.  This is a weird movie clip, wherever it's from.   Oh.  So this guy who is leading the tour has a hook for a hand.  That's something.  He's feeding gators as the music glitches on through in a broken printer way.   It is also fairly harsh.    Someone is talking about custody.

Harsh static glitching coming through now as we are staring at what looks like a farm.    A plane is flying now in slow motion but it is going upwards so I'm hoping/thinking it's not 9/11 again.  How many times have I typed "9/11" in this review?  People seem to be marching as the rock guitar glitches into this vocal loop that may or may not be saying "hunger strike".    A robotic voice loops now in a song which says something like "just do it" but not that exactly.   Now hands are turning nobs.    We grow much more mechanical now, grinding even as we get into this darker green image.   Though the title "Killers From Space" is now coming in and that totally seems like a B Movie I would watch.

This movie is moving in super slow motion now.   Now this guy has a sweet mustache.  Is this that Right Said Fred video?  No.  I can kind of hear the singing but can't make out what it is, but it's been chopped up nicely.  It sounds like the B-52's but doesn't look like them... I think.   Now it's showing us how to play guitar.   This is really out there.  Like watching Mtv in the middle of the night back when they actually played music videos.  And, you know, on acid.    Next we appear to see a bartender and this "uh" goes on a loop.    More into a video game loop now. 

Beats build and we're back into the softcore porn of the 1990's.   Of course it's glitching the images and kids today will never know about how you could mess with your receiver and get scrambled premium channels.   Why are those snow dogs pulling that guy? The whirrs are on a glitching loop here.   Hip hop is mixed in now.    The news wishes us a Merry Christmas and one of them says they'll be off tomorrow.   Synthwave comes through with destructive pianos now.   You can see someone singing into a microphone mixed in with all of this.

This begins looping in a way which might make you seasick and the images are of people but I'm not certain why they're talking to each other.   What is this guy doing in front of this chalkboard with his crazy talking all jumbled up?  It feels like church but also it's in a classroom.   I'm pretty sure he just said "an addiction to pornography".   He wants to know that once you've seen everything a man and woman can do together what do you do next.   It sounds like he's run out of good ideas for how to watch his porn.   And just like that the whirrs bring us into breast exams.    A breastfeeding mother now.

Hardcore glitching brings out old footage of Paula Poundstone.   Why do I recognize her so quickly?  I blame "Home Movies".    And just like that we're learning about circles.    This is twirling ribbons.   There is a name for this in school but I don't know what it is because I also don't really care.   Now a sped up ninja fight scene.  A dog as well for some reason.   It's like Power Rangers but not so I will say VR Troopers?   And now an incredibly warped Dru Hill video.   This is a really rather awkward slowdance.    It's telling me to adjust my tracking now and then it automatically adjusted itself.

Softer beats now, calmer rhythms.  Stretched out vocals bring out the true vaporwave.  What are these guys doing in this office like setting?   This guy keeps getting ushered back to his desk.  I imagine his name is Jerry and the boss guy is like "Bad Jerry! Back to your own workspace!" but that might just be due to "Rick and Morty" because I suppose he could just as easily be a Kevin.   And in walks this guy with the giant hat on that we originally saw some odd hours ago.   It's the office party.    Beats loop now, somewhat destructive and some of these images cannot be made out with them, I just think of them as being colors.

This is going on for a while now and I'm really spacing out while watching it.   We're scrolling through images with beats on loops.    I feel like one of these images is a skeleton in a cowboy hat and there's this green ball in the center of it all.  This visual is also on a loop with the music.    The music stops and the images look like 9/11 (sorry) and then a computer voice says "Can you hear me?" and begins talking about Africa.   Was that Jack The Ripper?  Now computer voice is asking the big questions: "Why are we here?" "Where did we come from?"  This is surreal.

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