Wednesday, May 23, 2018

VHS Review: Slow Normals "realmagic666FM" [PART 4]

$15 //
Edition of 13 // //

This is a really nice collab and it seems so lucky that Slow Normals was able to find this video clip to play along with.    Somehow we are now into a fake cowboy show.  I say fake cowboy because there is this guy sitting on a couch playing a guitar and wearing a cowboy hat.  A girl sits next to him and another girl sits on the floor watching the fake cowboy.  Another guy sits by himself on another couch, but why does the one girl sit on the floor?  A true cowboy would not allow such things.   These vocals are really tripping me out but I'm pretty sure they called that girl Rachel.  It is also FEB. 21, 2004 now.

Fake cowboy is also wearing sunglasses inside.   Rachel stands up- at her friend's urging- and begins singing along to some country song.  I have no idea what if going on here but I hope all of these people are drunk for their sake.   And now Rachel is just swearing a lot and jumping around.  Her friend said "Good job, Rachel" and I feel like MST3K saying, "Oh, don't encourage her" to the tv.   Watching these videos is like when I look at photos of other people on Facebook: I rarely pay attention to the person and look more as to what is in their surroundings.

I'm pretty sure Rachel just tried to kiss the other girl and then said "She'll never love me" to close out that part.   We switch to a party on MAR. 7, 2004 now.  It is 2:00 AM so the time might be wrong but who knows.   They're basically kids (college or high school age) sucking on balloons.  I want to feel like all of these visuals under "FACESWAP" came from the same collection of VHS tapes- the same family perhaps- but I just don't know... I don't know what to make of anything any more after seeing how other humans behave.  This guy is also wearing a shirt that says The Gap.   Though now another boy is dressed in drag and this is getting good.   He looks like he could be legal.

A split second of a band rehearsal and now screwed vocals bring back the vaporwave as we see someone riding a sailing bike on their stomach?  We're back to flipping channels.   The MGM lion logo.  Pringles.  A firetruck.   The birthday song.  Why is the birthday girl wearing a thong and the guy taping her is getting her from that angle?  This is highly inappropriate but the matching msuic is cool.  Most of these guys are nearly naked and they're clapping.  Ooooooohhh maybe this is a porn birthday party.   We keep glitch looping with the music and visuals but I'm pretty sure the "FACESWAP" time is over.

And the word improv just came out of a toaster.   So we're doing this, huh?    Nope, guess not.   Someone is explaining something- giving instructions- over a lot of green.   The voice is of course manipulated.   Oh.  Now I can see her in blue.  A man with a plane and a fan.  It says it's mindblowing and now it's showing cassettes.   Something about mineral water.  A lot of floating heads.   Snowboards and Pee Wee Herman is looking inside of his freezer.  The word of the day is "playhouse".   We're back to the porno birthday party and I'm pretty sure she just started sucking some guy.  Swimming with the cassette.   I do enjoy these old cassette commercials perhaps more than I should.

It's like a trippy Sound of Music now.  Everyone is dancing, the static is skipping and the colors... Oh, the colors.   And now a commercial for a laser disc player because why not.   There is singing and I think this is a Bollywood film now.   This looks like a music video.  It has people playing instruments- a guitar, bass, sax- and there are drums and a keyboard near them but there are also credits and then a cop opens up the garage door as if to tell them they're making too much noise.   A movie or television show perhaps, it goes by too quickly for me to know and now we're into something about rap that has a young Dr. Dre in it.

McDonalds.  Breakdancing.  KRS-ONE.    A movie or television show now with a kid crying and it's so manipulated it sounds so weird.   It's definitely trippy.  I think I've used the word "trippy" at least a thousand times in this review so far.   Static skips in a nice rhythm.   Clouds, a building and sex under the covers.   This guy overslept.   He does look like a fairly familiar actor from the 1980's but I just can't place him.  I will likely see this movie one day and it will all make sense.  It will feel like deja vu.    He's yelling about inbred assholes.  I like his vest.  He beeps his horn a lot but the sounds are manipulated so it kind of drones on. 

So this guy woke up late, was following people he got road rage at, then they stopped at the same place, three of them got out of the truck and start smashing his car with him inside, all under the hues of blue and green.   They have a truck now which seems like it's going to crush his car with him in it.   This guy looks a bit like William Katt from "The Greatest American Hero".   The truck just drives off and now we're into a different clip where someone needs mouth to mouth.   A woman in blue is glitching hard next to some guy.   Whirrs come through in waves.    We seem to have froze now on a cheeseburger.  I think we're back to the movie now and she called him "TJ" but this isn't "TJ Hooker".  Now he's going mad, destroying everything in his garage.    We've switched over to singing and what appear to be still photos presented as a slideshow now.

I do enjoy this music over this photo slide show but some of these photos are just plain creepy.    Blue and green and red stripes now.  Destruction.  Whenever I see a cloud of smoke in this vidoe I think 9/11.   It's a music video inside a picture frame now- someone is playing the guitar and singing such as in a studio- and then the music itself seems to be combining with this.   The whirrs and 1980's rock.   It sounds like someone is chanting "madness".   The singing in that sense doesn't go along with David Cassidy or whoever is singing here.   A sax now and this man is pointing at me.   Everything begins moving in fast forward and then it stops and this cartoon is likely "Jem" now. 

Moulin Rouge.  I can hear the music now of what I'm still assuming to be Jem.  Someone in a sweater is talking about God and I can't see his face but I bet he's Joel Osteen.  As his face comes through clearer (as clear as it will get) I don't think he is Joel.  There is this man on the street type of segment asking people how they describe God and then static skips come through as some guy is in a studio trying to sell something.   A commercial for Pepcid AC now and this woman is glitching hard.  This is how tv should be.   The stock report now.  And a news report about someone starting an "anti-Santa crusade".   Ummm... And they admit now they've gone too far.  Ahahahahaha.

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