Monday, July 9, 2012

CD REVIEW: Fat Tony and Tom Cruz "Double Dragon"

Fat Tony and Tom Cruz <I>Double Dragon</I>
                In order to make this review feel as truly special as these songs themselves feel, not only am I going to open up with a joke to lighten the mood but I am going to let you choose the punchline you like best.    I’ve never done this sort of thing before, but here we go.
                Throughout the history of hip hop, there have been some great and notable duos.     Just to name a few, such names immediately brought to mind include EPMD, Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg, Kid & Play, UGK, DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince, Mobb Deep and _________.
                If you would like the sixth duo to be Kriss Kross, please press the number “1” on your keyboard.
                If you would like the sixth duo to be Paula Abdul and MC Scat Cat, please press the number “2” on your keyboard.
                If you would like the sixth duo to be Little T & One Track Mike, please press the number “3” on your keyboard.
[Please Note: Pressing numbers on your keyboard while reading this doesn’t actually accomplish anything.   Probably.  But don’t blame me if your hard drive crashes.]
                Did that work for you?  Did it not?  Does it even matter?   Let’s get on with the review.
                The last time I heard Fat Tony was his album <I>RABDARGAB</I>, which I thoroughly enjoyed so I was very much looking forward to this new album by him.    Only that is one of the things you need to know right off the bat:  This is not a new Fat Tony album so much as it is a collaboration between Fat Tony and Tom Cruz.    Sure, Fat Tony has had other emcees on his songs before, but not like this.    It’s kind of funny when you think about it because even the first single from <I>Double Dragon</I>, “Bad Habits”, has more lines from others (Such as Bun B) than the man himself.  
                This album, based on the lyrics, is about two things:  Drinking Guinness and wearing denim.   Although we also hear songs about women and how to make songs proper, this makes me wonder if I should write a review about how to make a review proper.   I actually would probably not be the best person to write such a thing, however.
                Look, I’m going to break this review down for you very simple-like.   If you have never heard the rhymes of Fat Tony before, I feel badly for you, but there is still hope as you can get out there and download all of his music you can RIGHT NOW.   Go ahead.   Bookmark this page; it’ll still be here when you get back.     If you have heard Fat Tony and you don’t like this, then please give me some of whatever you’re smoking because I don’t understand how anyone could call themselves a fan of music and not like this album.
                The fourth song ends on a NES note and the sixth song is pretty laid back with some female vocals in it.    Anything else?   Nope.   LISTEN TO FAT TONY.

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